#32. Desire and Goal

“Are you alright…?”

It was Sir Joyce’s voice.

“… seems so.”

“Your body…”

“… seems to have… passed.”

“… nothing happened?”

“Well… nothing.”

No, what are they saying?

Though it should have been audible at this distance, the fact that she couldn’t hear clearly suggested both men were speaking in lowered voices.

What should she do?

She should knock now since it was time for morning attendance. But she was afraid to knock without knowing the Duke’s exact condition. She was conflicted between returning to Sir Joyce’s room or knocking, when…

Bang.

“Oh my!”

As the door suddenly opened from inside, Chloe, who had her ear pressed against it, nearly fell and stumbled into the room.

“What! What are you doing, Clyne?”

It was Sir Joyce who had opened the door.

“Ah! Well, I was about to knock but heard you talking, so I was wondering whether I should enter or not.”

Chloe barely managed a plausible excuse. Sir Joyce’s gaze turned to the Duke.

As if asking, what should we do with this one? With a look that suggested he might wring her neck if she had overheard their conversation.

Sir Joyce can be so terrifying sometimes.

Though she was curious about what they had been discussing, seeing Sir Joyce’s attitude, she felt fortunate that she hadn’t heard anything.

Though she didn’t want to look at the Duke’s face, her gaze eventually followed Sir Joyce’s movement toward the Duke.

Ah, I shouldn’t have looked.

Disconcertingly, the Duke’s eyes were fixed directly on her. Traces of last night’s fever still remained on his face. Though fortunately, he didn’t look as serious as last night.

“……”

The Duke continued to stare at her without saying a word.

“……”

Chloe too couldn’t speak or look away from the Duke.

“We’ll be staying at this inn a while longer. Since His Grace isn’t well, we’ll depart once he recovers, so tell the innkeeper to bring meals to the room.”

Sir Joyce’s instruction, cutting between them, sounded like salvation to Chloe.

A savior who freed her from the suffocating situation of having eye contact with the Duke.

“Yes!”

Chloe quickly responded to Sir Joyce and fled from the Duke’s room.

What did that look in the Duke’s eyes mean?

She had no idea what the Duke’s distant gaze meant as he silently stared at her.

Would she not be able to return to the Duke’s mansion if she took her vacation today? Would she be fired just like this?

If the Duke was planning to fire her anyway, he would do so whether she took her vacation or not.

Besides, she couldn’t not take her vacation just because she was worried about such things.

The most important thing to her wasn’t money, but her mother — her only remaining family.

Finally, Chloe decided to tell them that when the Duke recovered and returned to his mansion, she would leave directly from here.

* * *

Hughgray took three more suppressants that Joyce had brought from the Roizen mansion after riding all night.

Fortunately, since the worst attack had passed during the night, he felt his body calming down immediately after taking three more pills. He had to take a total of six pills of the suppressant he usually only took one of. If this continued, his body would be ruined.

However, the fear occupying his mind now wasn’t about his body being ruined.

It was about Clyne Liden, who had left the room with a terrified expression.

The moment their eyes met, Clyne’s blue pupils had shaken violently — it seemed like he wouldn’t forget that for a while.

In the end, last night he had shown the disgraceful behavior he never wanted to remember or had feared so much. A master, a man, trying to pounce on a male servant who said he liked men.

Would he despise me? Would even having eye contact disgust him? No, didn’t that guy say he liked men, liked me?

Then shouldn’t he not hate me even though I did that yesterday? Could he perhaps be more intimate with that Kalkus Traskan guy than I thought? No, if not that, could he have been lying to me while actually meeting the blonde woman?

Were all those words about being homosexual and liking me lies? If so, would that guy say he’s leaving me? Would he quit his job as an attending servant?

Heat spread through his body again before he knew it. This time it was from anger and fear, not from being in heat.

Just imagining Clyne leaving him felt like swallowing thorns, with those thorns piercing his heart — it was that painful.

Actually, the reason she had pounced on that guy’s lips last night was that he wasn’t in his right mind.

Of all times, that guy had burst into his room when his heat was at its peak, and in his hazy consciousness, he had desired him with uncontrollable urges and instincts. Until that guy bit his tongue and he barely regained consciousness.

But Hughgray had clearly felt it.

The moment he kissed Clyne Liden, his body had started to calm down bit by bit.

Of course, the desire for more was also raging simultaneously.

If Clyne hadn’t clearly shown his intention to refuse him, he probably would have torn that guy’s clothes apart and explored whatever of his he could.

But the moment he realized that guy was refusing him, strangely, his will to submit became as strong as his desire. As if he had realized the absolute proposition that he could never go against that guy’s will.

What was that? That’s… something that’s supposed to be felt only toward an imprint partner, but what is this confusion!

Though he couldn’t yet clearly understand the identity of this confusion, one thing was clear.

That he could never let that guy go. Perhaps even after finding his imprint partner. No, not ‘perhaps’, but ‘definitely’.

Though it made no sense, his instincts were telling him so now.

Unfortunately, a wolf’s instincts had never been wrong.

I will never let you go. No matter what happens.

Hughgray had clearly realized his desire and goal.

Though he hadn’t recognized that something else was also awakening within him. His persistent wolf nature is filled with tenacious determination to track down and satisfy its greed until obtaining what it aimed for. That nature too was already spreading throughout his body from his unconscious.

* * *

It was already past three in the afternoon. However, even by this hour, the Duke had not mentioned returning to Roizen.

She really needed to leave for her hometown now.

Actually, while it took 8 hours from Roizen where the Duke’s mansion was to her hometown Bergen, from here in Solaine it only took 2 hours to reach Bergen.

But even though she was dressed as a man now, she wasn’t really a man, so traveling alone when it was dark was dangerous. So considering the time needed to find a carriage, she really needed to leave now.

Finally, Chloe knocked on his door while carrying the anxiety of not knowing how the Duke would react.

“Come in.”

Sir Joyce wasn’t in the room.

Where did he go again? It’s uncomfortable being alone with the Duke.

“Your Grace, how are you feeling?”

Chloe barely opened her mouth while hiding her awkwardness.

“I’m fine now. You…?”

Chloe swallowed hard.

You, he says. What does that mean? What about me? You were the one who was sick, Your Grace. Surely he’s not asking about the state of my lips. He’s probably not asking because he knows I couldn’t sleep from the shock either. Come to think of it, is His Grace’s tongue alright? I bit down hard yesterday.

“I slept well and had a good breakfast.”

Please, let’s just pretend nothing happened last night.

“Ah…! Really…?”

Yes. Nothing happened between us, right?

“Your Grace, I actually have something to tell you.”

“What! If it’s bad news… Tell me later.”

Just as she tried to speak up with courage, the Duke cut her off. The courage she had barely mustered faded away.

No, but I still need to go see Mom.

“I’m really sorry to tell you this when you’re not feeling well, but since today is my vacation day…”

She barely gathered her courage and started speaking but ended up checking the Duke’s reaction mid-sentence.

“……”

However, the Duke just stared intently at Chloe without saying anything.

Gulp.

Swallowing dryly, Chloe continued.

“So could I take my vacation directly from here? Since it’s much closer distance-wise to go from here than returning to Roizen first. If Your Grace would allow it…”

“Return…”

The Duke cut off her words with a mumble. It sounded like a mumble questioning how she dared think of coming back.

Is he really displeased?

The salary she had received in advance flashed through her mind. At least she had worked another month after the Arne incident, so now she only needed to pay back 8 months’ worth.

No matter how much she thought about it, she couldn’t say to the Duke, ‘Since you kissed me and that’s why I’m leaving, I won’t be able to pay back the salary I received in advance.’

She was certain that the moment such words left her mouth, her head would fly from Sir Joyce’s sword — Sir Joyce who worshipped the Duke like a god — before the Duke could even react.

“Um…, I! I was really sleeping so soundly last night that I wouldn’t have known if someone carried me away! What I mean is, I’m really sorry that I have to take my vacation without being able to take care of Your Grace.”

“……”

The Duke still looked at Chloe with an unreadable gaze without saying anything. The only thing certain was that he was displeased.

Actually, it was unfair. Last night she had been the one who was unilaterally attacked.

Of course, while it wasn’t just frightening toward the end, and she had ended up falling into his kiss without realizing it…

“My mother in my hometown has woken up, so I absolutely cannot skip this vacation. Instead, I will return to the Duke’s mansion as quickly as possible.”

Chloe spoke rapidly while bowing her head. If she didn’t finish these words quickly, she felt she would end up unable to say anything, overwhelmed by his atmosphere.

“Return, you say?”

Finally, the Duke showed a proper reaction. Not only did he question it, but his eyes seemed to widen too.