Chapter 20

 “I hate this. I hate it……”

 She shook her head. The hand that had been wiping between her knees stopped. The man looked up. His gray eyes were still indifferent. Ella twisted her lips. She pushed away his shoulder and fled to the wall. Like a cornered mouse, she clutched her bloodstained skirt and burst into tears. The servant had a dumbfounded expression.

 “Leave.”

 “Pardon?”

 “Call a maid.”

 The man rose from his seat. The servant, understanding his words, hurriedly left. Ella sniffled. Sweat broke out on her reddened face. She kept wiping her eyes with her sleeve, but the tears flowed endlessly. And below. It was shameful enough to have her menstruation, but to think that she had shown it to two men made her want to die. She was embarrassed. So embarrassed that she wanted to throw herself out the window.

 “Ella.”

 The man, who had removed his cape, walked toward Ella. Ella prepared to flee again to avoid being caught. She looked at him with her lips tightly closed. Just as he was about to extend his arm. Ella turned her body to slip past him.

 “Ah! Let go of me!”

 * * *

 Her body was like a piece of wood. Even though she was two years older, her bones should have matured, but the servant girl was still short. Her long hair shimmered with a soft crimson in the spring sunlight. Like the red flesh of a trout. The fresh red color rippled softly at the ends of her long hair, appearing and disappearing repeatedly. Larque grabbed the arm of the girl who was trying to escape from him and held her in place.

 The girl struggled and scratched him. A maid who had appeared out of nowhere scolded the girl in a stern voice.

 “How dare you be disrespectful to the master……”

 “Shut your mouth.”

 He rebuked the maid. Then he slung the girl over his shoulder and left the bedroom for the bathroom. In the bathroom, there was a steaming bathtub.

 “Shh. Stop. Ella. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Someday, I will see all of you anyway.”

 “I hate it. I hate it…… I hate it.”

 Ella shook her head. Larque quietly knelt on one knee before her. It was the same action again. He still appeared to have no thoughts. As if the girl before him were his precious fiancée. In fact, even without anyone telling him, he knew the girl was not his fiancée. As if kneeling at the feet of a lowborn was not a big deal, he merely rubbed the reddened area under her eyes with his thumb.

 “You must have been surprised by the sudden bleeding.”

 Ella didn’t answer. She was in shock. A man. Such an ugly thing…… Ella sniffled and trembled violently. Larque gently patted the shoulder of the girl who stood as if in a trance. Her damp skin was tinged with a pretty color. His mouth went dry.

 “Don’t look. Don’t look……”

 Ella could only repeat the same words. The girl hunched her shoulders endlessly. It was clear what she feared. The fear of being forced to show something she didn’t want to show. Shame. Even if she was a servant girl, she would feel the same shame. Larque tried to understand the girl who was seemingly incomprehensible at first glance.

 The girl was his. She was his woman and would bear his children. There was no reason to be ashamed. She would eventually lie naked on his bed anyway. There was no need to hide.

 “I am your man.”

 With the fingers that had been tapping under her eyes, he gently stroked her cheek. Her plump cheeks, full of baby fat, were cute. How could this be? How, how could there not be a single unattractive part of her? Larque grabbed the arm of the girl who was covering her eyes with her sleeve and sobbing, and pulled it down. His girl was looking down at him with a face drenched in tears. Her pouting lips were cute. Her breath, inhaled and exhaled, touched the bridge of his nose.

 “You are my woman.”

 “I, I……”

 Ella couldn’t continue. The man silently waited for her. But she couldn’t say anything. That she was afraid. That she was afraid of becoming a woman and knowing a man.

 “So. Stop crying. You’ll wear yourself away.”

 Ella looked down. The blood between her p*ssy had stopped. Blood that hadn’t been completely wiped away had dried between her knees. After she stopped crying, her body, beaten by Victoire, began to ache. She clutched her skirt and looked at the man who claimed to be her man.

 While she was so small and thin, the man was thick and large. His bones and muscles were sleek and firm, like hitting a brick wall. Ella recalled the grip that had held her. A faint chill covered her back.

 “Go wash yourself. I need to apply medicine.”

 “…… Why did you come to the kitchen?”

 He didn’t answer. He merely narrowed his eyes slightly and then turned around. The man moved away from Ella. She looked at the steaming bathtub. After Larque left, maids came in and undressed Ella.

 “I can do it myself……”

 “It’s His Highness’s order, so we can’t help it.”

 The maid looked at Ella, momentarily taking her hands off her body. Her tone toward Ella was gentle. Unlike the kitchen maids. Ella lowered her guard and pursed her lips.

 “There’s no need to be afraid. We were Lady Cecil’s maids, so we’ll treat you kindly.”

 “Lady Cecil?”

 “Yes. We did this all the time. Now we’re taking care of Miss Larien, so we’re used to washing young girls. We won’t make it hard for you.”

 The maids laughed. Cecil was the servant girl of the late Duke Carlisle, who is now called the Grand Duke. Ella slowly nodded. With the maids’ cool laughter and gentle speech, Ella entered the bathtub without causing any more disturbance. The bathroom was a spacious and luxurious space attached to the Duke’s bedroom. She wasn’t sure if she should be bathing in such a place, but she couldn’t ask. Would Cecil have also used the Duke’s bathroom when the late Duke was alive?

 Her mind was complicated. But regardless, the maids’ touch was comfortable. Even among women, it would be uncomfortable if their gaze focused on her p*ssy or br*asts, but they carried out their tasks with extremely businesslike and quick hand movements. Ella traced the pale face of a woman while looking at the sunset pouring through the arched window.

 Bright blonde hair like a bush. A small face blooming from within it, a woman like a white moon. The woman’s bedroom was a small side room attached to the Duke’s bedroom. There was no door on the entrance leading to the side room.

Ella couldn’t know what Cecil was like before she fell ill. Her memories of knowing her were too brief. Even during that short period, Cecil was always a sickly person. Being ill, she had no value as a servant girl. She couldn’t follow her master to the battlefield or be held in his arms. Cecil passed away in early summer last year. Her face, pale from illness, was still beautiful. White and clean as she had always been. In the arms of the Grand Duke. A faint smile enveloped her dead face.

 “Does it hurt?”

 Cecil’s maid asked, caressing her shoulder. The maid’s fingers slowly passed over her shoulder, which was mottled with red marks from bruises that had just begun to form. Instead of answering, Ella kept her lips tightly closed. Cecil had departed early. Thirty-five wasn’t an old age. Moreover, she had a young daughter named Larien.

 “It must hurt a lot.”

 The maid comforted her. Ella glanced sideways at the woman, who was different from the gruff kitchen maids.

 “Why are you looking at me? Are you uncomfortable somewhere?”

 The maid asked. Ella turned her eyes away and covered her chest with both arms. Looking at Cecil’s maids naturally reminded her of Cecil. When she first met her, led by the head maid, Ella had many questions.

 She couldn’t even properly speak to her because it was such a dark period that she couldn’t organize exactly what she wanted to ask. No. Before that, Carlisle was too strict for her to meet Cecil. Unless she passed by Cecil’s bedroom, she couldn’t even see the woman. Especially after the doctor said she was too exhausted to get up from her sickbed……

 “Your hair is so beautiful. It’s amazing. I’ve never seen anyone like you before. Lady Cecil had beautiful hair too, but not as much as yours. Even the silk covering the hems of noble ladies’ skirts couldn’t match your hair.”

 The maid who was washing her ears with water boiled with flower seeds whispered in admiration. Ella had often heard that her beauty was unbelievable for a girl who lived in a brothel. But all the women in the brothel were pretty. They said that only women with charming and beautiful appearances could be a knight’s servant girl. Ella couldn’t understand what was different between those women and herself. So she didn’t smile at all at the maids who were caressing her hair.

 “Anna. Look at this. Her hair shimmers violet. But here it shimmers peach color? How is this possible?”

 When Ella didn’t respond, the maids whispered among themselves. She quietly listened to them chattering while grabbing her hair by the handful. Cecil’s maids were kind, but they treated her like an object. It might be unpleasant, but Ella didn’t mind.

 Because everyone looked at her as if she were an object. They touched her hair and smelled it as if looking at a beautiful jewel or a porcelain with mysterious patterns. Ella was often asked why her hair shimmered like that. But she couldn’t answer. Because Ella didn’t know either. She didn’t know why her hair was silver among many colors, or why her hair shimmered in strange colors.