Chapter 16. The One Who Wants to Leave and the One Who Wants to Hold On

El woke up drowsily from her sleep in one corner of the large bed.

She rubbed her slightly swollen eyelids and blinked, realizing something was different from usual.

This wasn’t under the eaves where she always slept curled up.

Her round eyes looked at the ornate ceiling and the bedding wrapped around her body in sequence.

‘Still at the ducal mansion.’

El abruptly sat up as she realized she was still in this extraordinary place.

More precisely, she sat up abruptly but then fell back with a thud as her vision spun.

‘What is this.’

El let out a silent scream.

Her body, with the medicine wearing off, hurt all over again, and she felt miserable because it wouldn’t move as she wanted.

Moreover, her escape plan had completely failed.

‘Nothing is going right.’

El placed her arm on her forehead and made a groaning sound, “Nnngh.”

Then suddenly she reached the thought, ‘How did I fall asleep last night?’

As she continued her train of thought, El looked at her raised hand.

One hand in particular felt different from usual. It was as if someone else’s body heat still lingered there.

“No way……”

She was alone in the spacious room. Yet it didn’t feel like she was alone.

‘Did he stay by my side all night?’

El thought that keeping someone’s warmth must be quite a joyful thing.

A smile naturally formed on her lips, and a rosy vitality circled her dry, bruised cheeks.

‘I must have fallen asleep because he held my hand.’

“Such a…… good person.”

El looked at the chair where he had been sitting.

She was terribly afraid of thunder and lightning.

When she was even younger than now, she had been captured by slave traders and put on a ship heading to an unknown destination.

That ship was wrecked in a typhoon, and El was washed ashore clinging to a broken wooden plank.

Until she could set her two feet on land, she had to endure waves that seemed ready to swallow everything, as well as the pouring rain and striking thunder and lightning.

That experience remained as trauma, making rainy days terrible.

El thought she would have to live her entire life never escaping from this fear.

But last night, she had miraculously fallen asleep.

“He’s truly a good person. If he treats me this well, I’ll keep…… ah, what should I do.”

Her face, which had been close to ecstatic, quickly contorted, and her small hands covered her eyes.

She realized that once she left this place, this fear would return.

Had she not known, it might have been different, but the comfort she had experienced once was too sweet.

El, in this moment of complete solitude in the quiet space, finally understood how much this experience would affect her.

Look already.

Just until a moment ago, she had been lamenting that she couldn’t escape, but now her heart had quickly changed its form.

‘This is bad. It would have been better if I had lived without knowing.’

When she hadn’t experienced it, she knew nothing, so life outside was fine.

But after experiencing such coziness, she became greedy.

And then came the fear of losing all of this.

‘It was never mine to begin with. It’s not mine, so it can’t last forever. I shouldn’t want more.’

El exhaled deeply and slapped her cheeks hard.

It hurt enough to drive away tears, but it helped clear her thoughts.

She had no lingering attachment to things she couldn’t possess.

She had been abandoned from birth and never owned anything.

This was just a passing stroke of luck.

El thought it would be better to never have something in the first place and let it go herself, rather than having it and then losing it.

‘I don’t want those people to suffer because of me, and this lifestyle doesn’t suit me either. I need to come to my senses.’

El gritted her teeth while covering her eyes.

After taking a deep breath, she decided to leave this place right now and got off the bed.

At that moment, her foot stepped on oversized indoor slippers that didn’t fit.

“What should I do……”

El debated whether to wear the soft fur slippers or not.

But her deliberation didn’t last long.

Since it seemed that wearing indoor slippers was proper etiquette here, she quickly slipped her feet into them and took a step.

However, after just a few steps, one of the slippers came off.

“See, this is what happens.”

The ill-fitting slippers seemed to be telling her that she was a person who didn’t belong here.

They reminded her that she was not only out of her depth but might be swept away and die.

‘Since when did I wear such things? They don’t suit me.’

El thought they weren’t hers anyway, so she lightly took off the slippers and placed them down neatly. Just removing one pair of shoes made her steps feel lighter, as if she’d shed a burden.

She thought that this was indeed much more comfortable and suited her better than properly wearing something.

What she had experienced here was just a brief amusement in her harsh life.

She decided to think of it as meeting an angel in a dream and creating one good memory.

‘I met incredibly kind and caring people, and thanks to them, I got to live like a real person for the first time. Above all, I received a truly beautiful name and was called by it.’

El crossed the spacious room with her small feet, stood in front of the door, and bowed deeply.

“Thank you for the gift.”

Though she didn’t know which direction the people of the ducal mansion were in, El sincerely expressed her gratitude.

Then, with a light heart, she turned around and opened the door.

“Ah.”

Behind the door that opened smoothly, he appeared.

El stepped backward as if jumping in surprise, like a startled kitten, even though she hadn’t done anything wrong.

⁕⁕⁕

Rapellian was very surprised when he woke up in the morning.

‘Did I sleep this deeply?’

And that too while holding someone else’s hand, sitting in a chair.

Even when lying comfortably in bed, he couldn’t easily fall asleep, yet he had slept soundly in an uncomfortable position like never before.

Thanks to having a good night’s sleep after a long time, his head felt clear and refreshed, putting him in quite a good mood.

Rapellian found this situation absurd and chuckled as he rubbed his face with his dry hands.

‘Is this also because of El?’

Ever since becoming entangled with this small and unfamiliar existence, it had been a series of incomprehensible situations. First giving him a breathing space in his tumultuous life, and now even providing rest during the long night.

He looked at El, who was breathing slowly and steadily.

The current situation was similar to that moment which had brought him perfect tranquility.

‘Yes, bringing El here wasn’t simply due to a sense of responsibility…… It was also because of this feeling I had back then.’

The fact he had momentarily forgotten due to the rush of events came back to life.

‘Indeed, it wasn’t just a coincidence.’

After spending a night with El, Rapellian was convinced.

That this fragile human girl definitely had something special.

And that he absolutely must not let go of this girl.

It was the first time he wanted to hold onto someone so desperately out of his own selfishness and greed.

‘I have no idea why this is happening.’

Struggling with unfamiliar emotions, Rapellian wondered what it was about El that made him feel this way.

He carefully recalled the catalog of books in the library, wondering which book might help solve this curiosity.

El slightly interrupted his thoughts.

“Mmm.”

El wriggled as if making a fuss in her sleep and pulled his hand.

Rapellian, who had momentarily set aside his thoughts, was drawn toward El before gently withdrawing his hand.

The place where her warm body heat remained felt strange.

He stared at his own hand for a long time before turning his gaze back to El.

“Sleep well.”

Rapellian gazed at El with a smiling face for a while, then stood up, feeling it might be impolite to stay longer.

He was moving his feet quietly, just leaving the vicinity of the bed, when he suddenly stopped.

“Ah.”

As he moved farther away from El, a considerable anxiety suddenly struck him.

Along with the anxiety came an abrupt thought.

‘What should I do if you say you’re leaving me?’

Rapellian turned his body to look at El and exhaled a languid sigh.

The identity of the anxiety that had overcome him was clear.

Rapellian became afraid of losing the peace he had tasted through El because it was so sweet. He, who had feared nothing in the world, became scared.

‘To think that a human girl I met not long ago would have such a big impact on me.’

Rapellian covered his lips, from which a hollow laugh escaped, and quickly left the room to shake off this feeling.

“Young Master? Why are you here……”

Just as he closed the door and turned around, Irina was standing in front of him.

“Just checking.”

“You must have woken up early because of the commotion outside.”

“Ah, well.”

Rapellian was flustered, though he didn’t show it.

‘Was it noisy?’

He put away his thoughts and pretended everything was normal.

“It seemed like it would rain all night, but snow fell instead. Oh, just on top of the ducal mansion. It’s noisier than usual because they’re clearing the snow now. I’m sorry, Young Master.”

“It seems Riello used his ability in his sleep again. What brings the butler here?”

Rapellian spoke casually as if it were a familiar occurrence.

But somehow his eyes wavered strangely.

“It’s almost breakfast time, so I was thinking of waking up the Miss.”

“Miss…… That doesn’t sound bad.”

“The Duke ordered it so.”

“The Miss is sleeping soundly, so let her sleep more.”

“Understood.”

Irina received his order, and he passed by her first.

Once he left the corridor leading to the guest room, he could hear the sounds of daily life.

Rapellian only then realized that when he was with El, his senses were perfectly controlled without any special effort.

‘I’ve always been on edge trying to control my senses……’

Rapellian hurried his steps to find an answer to this phenomenon.

Thus, he rummaged through the library for a while.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to be found.

⁕⁕⁕

Around 11 o’clock, Rapellian left the library and went to the guest room with some food for El.

It was because he remembered the chattering employees saying, ‘The person who gives food is the best person.’

As he stood in front of the room, he heard a small voice.

“Thank you for the gift.”

‘What does that mean?’

Rapellian suppressed his curiosity and raised his hand to knock.

At that moment, the door opened.

“Ah.”

El made a short exclamation as if she had met someone she shouldn’t have.

Seeing El’s reaction, Rapellian wondered, ‘Did I come at a bad time?’

Nevertheless, he adjusted his grip on the tray and smiled as kindly as possible.

“May I come in?”

“Uh…… yes, yes!”

El, who had been momentarily dazed by his cheerful smile, belatedly answered in a fluster.

In contrast to her dazed state, El quickly stepped back to make way.

“Were you on your way somewhere? Did I interrupt you?”

“No, not at all.”

El couldn’t speak straightforwardly.

The moment she saw him, for some reason, the words “I don’t want to live here. I want to leave” wouldn’t come out.

‘Strangely, when I look into those eyes, I can’t speak. I forget what I was thinking. It’s like I’m enchanted.’