Chapter 21

 It was painful to be bothered with problems she couldn’t understand or answer. Ella just wanted to live ordinarily, blending in among many people. She wanted to live as a person, not as an eye-catching parrot in a cage. For a woman of low status, beauty is nothing more than a useless ornament. No, not even an ornament. A shell that can’t be thrown away or burned. Ella didn’t want to be beautiful.

 “Lila. Stop it. She doesn’t look very happy. She might think we’re making fun of her.”

 “What? That’s not it.”

 “Anyway, she looks unhappy. More importantly, she’s started her menstruation.”

 The maid called Anna said calmly. Ella turned her head after staring blankly at the window. Menstruation. In an instant, the terrible fragments she had momentarily set aside rushed in like a tide. The hand that had been wiping her knees just a moment ago…… And Cecil, who began sleeping with the Grand Duke after her menstruation.

 ‘Cecil.’

 Ella repeated inwardly. She didn’t know when Cecil had her menstruation. She only knew that Cecil was the Grand Duke’s woman. She wanted to ask. What kind of life a duke’s servant girl lived. But she couldn’t ask. Even if she had a long opportunity to face her, she probably wouldn’t be able to ask. Whether loved or not, it wouldn’t be easy. It might be better not to know.

 “Is it good to have menstruation?”

 She whispered softly. The maid called Anna looked up.

 “Of course. It means you’re becoming a woman.”

 “…… What does it mean to become a woman?”

 Anna, who was washing Ella’s back with fragrant water boiled with gardenia, smiled. As the bath finished, Ella came out of the tub and was wrapped in a fluffy towel.

 “You’re more innocent than I thought. Since you grew up in a brothel, I thought you knew everything.”

 “……”

 Ella lowered her gaze. Sarah hadn’t told her about menstruation. But seeing Sarah become irritable on days when she had her menstruation, Ella only knew that menstruation wasn’t good. Because blood flows from below every day. Of course it couldn’t be good. If possible, wouldn’t it be better never to have it? But they said there were no women who didn’t have it. Sarah had said it was strange not to have it.

 “It means you can bear a child.”

 “A child?”

 “Yes. When a man embraces you, a baby grows in your belly and it swells up round.”

 “Then, then…… Before menstruation? Before starting menstruation, a baby wouldn’t be conceived?”

 Lila brought a dry towel and dried Ella’s hair. Ella stared blankly at Anna. Her stomach ached sharply. At the same time, a faint chill spread down her spine. She felt like vomiting again.

 “Before that, a baby couldn’t be conceived. But having menstruation means that your womb is now ready.”

 Ella tightly clutched the edge of the towel wrapped around her. Words like womb and baby were strange. She didn’t know that having menstruation and lying in the Duke’s bed meant this. Because she didn’t know what “embracing” meant. Ella had thought about it for several nights. With no one to ask, there was no way to satisfy her curiosity. But the man had been waiting for her to be able to bear children.

 Lila’s careful hands dried Ella’s back. Would the Duke have seen the red marks embedded in her thin bones? The only person who could touch a servant girl was her master. Even the deceased Cecil could only be touched by Grand Duke Carlisle.

 “Don’t cry. It’s a good thing. It’s definitely a good thing. His Highness will cherish you. Doesn’t he already cherish you? If you hadn’t been so afraid of His Highness, you would have used the side room attached to His Highness’s bedroom.”

 Anna looked satisfied. Ella opened and closed her lips like a fish before becoming a shell. Lila’s hands applied fragrant oil to her small back and arms. Cecil’s maids taught her how to wear underwear during menstruation. How to place cloth underneath. The timing of menstruation…… Ella had a gloomy face about things she couldn’t memorize. Outside the door, she heard that the physician had arrived. Ella left the bathroom, feeling an inexplicable chill in the soft silk placed below.

 *** 

 “It’s a minor bruise. It will gradually fade in about a week.”

 “A minor bruise, you say?”

 “Compared to the wounds His Highness usually brings back from the battlefield, it’s minor.”

 San Parvale’s chief physician was an old man with white hair. Though elderly, he had an unyielding presence that was as firm and stern as Larque’s. Perhaps it was because he was a state physician who had risen from a military doctor to the position of examining the king. Indeed, he had an impressive presence. But was it appropriate for such a distinguished physician to examine a lowly servant girl? No, was it even appropriate for her to be lying in the Duke’s bedroom?

 “I’ve given her medicine, so she’ll gradually improve. Don’t worry. Besides, the maid did a good job with first aid.”

 It seemed to be about the time when Ella had briefly lost consciousness. So the maid had treated her then. Well, since the physician had been away from San Parvale, only the maid could have taken care of Ella. She listened to the conversation taking place while she was lying down. The physician examined her forehead, which the maid had hurriedly stitched, then asked Ella about the amount of opium she had taken, and after examining the bruises, applied ointment and wrapped bandages.

 “Can’t you see that this child is still only fourteen years old?”

 “I apologize for my lack of eloquence and tact, but even upon further examination, the wounds are not life-threatening.”

 The physician scratched the bridge of his nose. For a physician who was used to seeing the Duke and his son return from the battlefield with bruises and cuts, he said it wasn’t a serious bruise. Ella, who had buried her face in the pillow, raised her head and looked at Larque and the physician. The bruises were not just in one or two places. Arms. Shoulders. Solar plexus. Thighs and calves. There wasn’t a spot that hadn’t been kicked. The physician also seemed quite surprised at first, but he said it was fortunate that the bruises hadn’t set in deeply. He habitually rubbed the bridge of his nose, scattered with liver spots, then licked his dry lips with his tongue. It seemed that Victoire, not wanting to die, had controlled her strength. Well, if she didn’t want to die, how could she swing that pot lid-sized hand recklessly……

 “I’ll give you an ointment, so make sure she applies it consistently.”

 The physician rose from his seat. Ella, who had her chemise gown pulled up to her back, glanced at Larque. Although the maid had approached before the physician could see and covered her buttocks with a blanket, she still wasn’t used to showing her bare skin to others. Larque, who met Ella’s gaze, quickly pulled the chemise gown down below her buttocks. She turned her gaze away again and fidgeted with her fingers.

 The man’s eyes, which had been indifferent all along, flashed sharply when he saw Ella’s thin body. More precisely, it was because of the mottled bruises embedded in her thin body. Except for the torn forehead, he said there wouldn’t be major scars. But Larque didn’t relax his expression. The cold light entangled in his eyes was still ominous.

 “Then I’ll be going now.”

 The physician turned around. When Ella tried to get up to greet him, Larque stopped her. Seeing this, the physician smiled kindly.

 “It’s alright. Just stay lying down. I’m not important enough to receive respect from a patient.”

 The physician turned to leave. When the door closed, only the man and she remained. Ella, who had been fidgeting with her fingers, turned her head to look at the side table. On the shelf of the side table, ointment and bandages were neatly placed.

 Larque brought the shelf and opened the lid of the ointment to look at it. Transparent green. It had a cool scent with a mixture of pine needle and herb fragrances. Ella moved her creaking limbs to raise her upper body. Larque narrowed his eyebrows.

 “Lie down.”

 “……”

 The girl who had been raising her upper body turned her head. Larque read the anxiety entangled in her pupils. It was distrust, festering like inflammation. Why, when he had never raised a hand against her even once…. He looked at the girl’s sore eyes. The reddish swollen eyelids gnawed at the corner of his heart.

 “Ella.”

 He had brought her to bed after she came out of the bathroom all fluffy and dry. Though there was nothing to be anxious about, the girl was restless like a prisoner about to be imprisoned. Larque occasionally grew sick of his servant girl. Instead of cherishing her, he was in the process of waiting. Hermel had whispered to him that she seemed to fear men because she grew up in a brothel, watching him as the girl ran away from him.

 ‘A woman who doesn’t know the joy of carnal desire fears men. Be patient. Even Cecil was merely afraid before sleeping with the Grand Duke. Even His Majesty’s favorite concubine would have feared the king at that age.’

 Hermel had muttered nonchalantly. Larque merely felt humiliated. He hadn’t intended to drag her to the bedroom and make her whimper. He had merely kissed her cheek because she was pretty, because his chest tingled at the sight of her wearing an apron with her hair tied in two braids. That was all. Was it wrong to pull her arm? The girl was startled and sobbed. He couldn’t punish her because even her twitching nose and lips were cute.