#01. Regret My Death

 She couldn’t hold on any longer.

 She barely held onto her knees that felt like they would collapse at any moment and begged.

 “Father……!”

 Gulp, a hot and fishy liquid surged up in her mouth. Her throat burned fiercely. She covered her mouth with her hand and tried to swallow it somehow.

 However, splat, blood spilled out beyond her palm. Her vision, which had been blurry with tears, suddenly became clear.

 Blood.

 This was definitely blood. But the color of the blood that stained her palm wasn’t bright crimson.

 ‘It’s black.’

 A black liquid with hints of red. It even wobbled like jelly in a semi-solid state.

 She knew all too well what this phenomenon meant.

 Mana contamination.

 The ‘contamination’ that started from her core had finally taken over her body.

 ‘I’m dying.’

 At shortest within hours, at longest she wouldn’t last a week. Coughing up blood this contaminated and coagulated was nothing short of a death sentence falling on her head.

 She had known she was living on borrowed time. She had been prepared for it since she first realized her ‘power.’

 At least, she had believed she was prepared.

 But when death came so suddenly like this, she was scared. Tears fell in streams.

 ‘I don’t want to die like this.’

 I don’t want my life to end like this.

 Her hands trembled with fear. The slight convulsions gradually spread throughout her body. Though her body had grown numb to even severe cold, it couldn’t overcome the terror of death.

 If she had hidden her power and never revealed it to anyone, she might have avoided this terminal fate.

 ‘Father!’

 But she had voluntarily revealed it.

 ‘I have power too! I can be useful to the family too……!’

 She didn’t want to be seen as an incompetent and useless half-wit anymore. For that moment, she was acknowledged by her family. That alone had made her happy.

 ‘I, I can dilute Father’s and my brothers’ side effects!’

 Though it wasn’t a conspicuous achievement that everyone would recognize, she was still glad. She was happy that she could be useful even in that way.

 At least that’s how it was at first.

 ‘Huk, kek……! Cough!’

 However, her already weak and small body gradually couldn’t endure it anymore.

When was the first time she coughed up blood?

 ‘It’s, it’s okay. It will be fine……’

 She couldn’t even remember anymore. But at least back then, the blood she coughed up was clear crimson.

 ‘My brothers often got through it without treatment too. They were fine after that.’

 So, I’ll be fine too. I’m a daughter of Dragonia too, right? So, I’ll be fine too……”

 Back then, she kept muttering endlessly like that to avoid reality. Because she was afraid to face the reality that she would become terminally ill.

 ‘Hey! Tartapae! Aren’t you coming here quickly?!’

 ‘Was that her name?’

 ‘Seems you have enough energy to care about unnecessary things.’

 Around that time, she was no different from a stupid dog that would wag its tail when its master approached, no matter how much they starved or beat it.

 Because she even welcomed when her brothers called for her just to use her, not even remembering her name properly.

 She believed that even in that way, she had become a useful, valuable existence to her family.

 Because she was so happy just with that, she absolutely couldn’t go back to being treated as a half-wit fool like before……

 ‘At this rate, your lifespan is in danger.’

 The healer warned that she had less than a year left to live.

 However, when she heard those words, what she feared most wasn’t her life but…

 ‘Will I become useless?’

 It was her family’s gaze.

 Because at that time, Dragonia had a real saintess who could use the power of purification.

 So even on the day she was diagnosed as terminal, she watched her father’s and brothers’ reactions.

 ‘You must restrain yourself. If you want to recover your health even a little, you need to rest completely without doing anything……’

 ‘No!’

 Young as she was, she was too ignorant, and even more desperate.

 ‘I’m still, I’m still fine. I can endure it. I can handle this much!’

 So please, don’t abandon me. Please don’t make such faces like you’re about to leave me right now……”

 Was it because of her begging, or because of her usefulness?

 ‘This expedition will proceed with no changes in personnel.’

 ‘Your Grace!’

 Father ignored the healer’s opinion, and so until now, she had gone through all sorts of dangerous battle lines with her family. Believing she was recognized as part of the great Dragonia, as one of that family.

 Though they didn’t express it, she thought they all cared for her to some extent……

 “Partanie.”

 That’s what she thought.

 Wheeee– Between the howling sound of snow-laden wind, a familiar voice called her name.

 Her only family, her father and brothers, were looking at her with various expressions. One frowning, one glaring, one indifferent, one annoyed.

 “How long are you planning to lie there?”

 Was everything just a vain delusion?

 She blankly looked up at them.

 The men of silver and gold standing on the land of snow and ice were remarkably beautiful. Their strong and massive bodies, their sturdy shining armor, even their rich and thick fur clothes.

 In contrast, her figure reflected in the shield was small and weak. Her body couldn’t bear armor and barely wore light armor, and the fur clothes that didn’t fit her properly slipped down, exposing her nape and wrists.

 “Are you saying you can’t endure even this much pain as a child of Dragonia?”

 The low voice contained such cold disappointment that it made her heart sink.

 “N-no……”

 She instinctively tried to make excuses but stopped speaking, afraid more black blood would spill out. Father turned away as if he had no more interest.

 ‘No.’

 She had always been physically weaker than her brothers. So she couldn’t keep up well with marches, always barely managing while panting heavily at the back.

 After being diagnosed as terminal, her stamina depleted even more rapidly, making it hard to match even normal people’s pace.

 Whenever she struggled and complained, Father always frowned.

 ‘Why?’

 You’re supposed to be a child of Dragonia too, so why are you so lacking?

 When that implicit reproach fell, she couldn’t raise her head from shame and hatred of her insufficient self. Her lacking appearance was shameful and painful.

 But…

 “Father, please…… I, I really can’t go on anymore.”

 This time is different.

 This time, she’s really dying. It’s ending.

 In that fear, she dared to contradict Father’s words. She complained and whimpered. Just this once, please understand my struggle, my pain.

Even if just once.

 “I’m really going to d……”

“Enough.”

 I might die.

 The cold voice cut off what might have been her last words.

 “Stop being so dramatic.”

 The handsome face shining white in the snow twisted cynically.

 Her eldest brother, Siyeref.

 He wouldn’t allow even the slightest contact except when I was absorbing his side effects.

 However, when I was sick in bed, he would sometimes cool my feverish forehead with his ice-cold hands, so I believed he was just extremely germaphobic.

 “Hey, you won’t die from this much, okay? Stop whining.”

 My second brother, Taran.

 He muttered irritably while brushing up his disheveled hair. He always tormented me, mocking me as birdbrain, idiot, fool.

 But because Taran would make medicine to help me recover my strength, I rationalized that he just naturally had a harsh mouth despite his harsh words.

 “Crying again? You cry at everything. How annoying.”

 My third brother, Kalenso, muttered with an expressionless face.

 He despised me for being weak, unbecoming of the Dragonia name, and would barely exchange words with me.

 However, when I really collapsed, he carried me on his back a few times, so I expected that although he found me annoying, his true feelings would be different.

But…

 “……no.”

 Those icy eyes devoid of any warmth were all filled with nothing but contempt and hatred.

 Unlike when they dealt with the blessed saintess who had real purification power.

 Her trembling arms gave way. Her body collapsed onto the snow, but her flesh already reaching death couldn’t properly feel even the cold anymore.

 “Partanie.”

 I raised my head from the snow to look at my father, the Grand Duke of the Northwest and the ruler of Dragonia, who shone more brilliantly than anyone.

 “Death this, death that, you speak those words so easily.”

 The person who brought me into this family.

 The great Grand Duke who declared me his daughter despite my unclear origins and gave me the Dragonia name.

 “Is that how a child of Dragonia should act?”

 He didn’t look back at me.

 “We’re departing.”

 Leaving only cold reproach behind. As footprints were carved into the snow, Father’s back gradually grew distant.

 ‘Ah, it hurts.’

 It felt like my heart was being ripped out while still beating. I couldn’t breathe.

 But it wasn’t more painful than being abandoned alone.

 “Fa, ther……”

 Please don’t leave me behind.

 Please take me with you.

 I’m sorry. I’ll endure more. Please give me one more chance……

 Just as I was about to spit out all the apologies gathered inside me—

 “Shut up.”

 The blue eyes that had approached at some point snapped.

 “If you’re going to keep whining like that, just die. Just die!”

 That’s when I realized.

 Neither my brothers nor Father…… none of them loved me. No one wanted me.

 I had no value or meaning in this world.

 Hot tears fell onto the cold snow with a plop. Leaving only tiny traces as if nothing had existed from the start, so small and insignificant.

 “Ha, ahaha.”

 For some reason, laughter burst out. With my head full of pain and heat about to burst, I thought.

 Why did I struggle to live until now? Why was I even born?

 Facing death, I sneered at my life. Regretted it. My body that had barely been holding on completely collapsed onto the snow field and slowly began to stiffen.

 “……Hey, birdbrain?”

 That’s when the startled voice came.