Chapter 36. A Night of Restlessly Floating Emotions

At the time when Ian and Rapellian left the ducal residence behind.

Jane was making a wet towel to wipe Rasiel’s face and body.

“Mmm.”

“Oh? Miss! Are you conscious?”

Jane put the wet towel in the basin and stuck herself right in front of Rasiel’s face.

“Jane, you’re too close.”

“Oh my, thank God.”

Though her voice was hoarse from having slept for so long, she was the usual Rasiel.

It was quite a coincidence that Rasiel regained consciousness right after Rapellian left, but Jane was thankful to heaven.

“Water……”

“Yes. I’ll bring it. As much as you want.”

Jane eagerly poured water as if ready to pluck stars from the sky, helped Rasiel sit up, and placed a pillow behind her back.

“Thank you.”

Despite being disoriented, Rasiel expressed her gratitude as usual and brought the glass to her lips.

The moderately lukewarm water slowly went down her throat at first, then more urgently.

“You must have been very thirsty, our Miss. Are you hungry?”

“I don’t know yet. But Jane, I had a strange dream.”

“A dream?”

“Young Master came to say goodbye because he was leaving.”

“Did you perhaps see the Young Master who came at dawn?”

“What?”

“Miss……”

Rasiel blinked at Jane’s ominous reaction and realized she was looking at a different scene from usual. Looking around, it was a completely different place, though the atmosphere was similar to the room she had been staying in.

Rasiel, who hadn’t fully grasped the situation, looked at Jane with questioning eyes when the memory of collapsing at the banquet hall came back.

“Jane. Where is this? Why am I here? Do I really have tuberculosis?”

“What?”

“Wh-what about the others? No, are you okay, Jane? A-actually, I coughed up blood before the banquet. If it’s tuberculosis……”

“You coughed up blood?!”

Jane was on the verge of falling backward in shock.

“I was trying to hide it…… Actually, I hid it because I was scared. I’m sorry.”

Rasiel closed her eyes tightly and rubbed her hands together.

Her hands and arms, which had no strength, trembled slightly.

“Oh, Miss.”

Jane sat on the bed and pulled Rasiel into her arms.

The thin body that simply wouldn’t gain weight trembled finely in her embrace.

“You are a bit sick right now…… but actually.”

She hesitated whether to tell the truth, but she couldn’t let Rasiel continue misunderstanding.

Jane patted her dry back and continued her explanation calmly.

However, no matter how casually and calmly Jane conveyed the situation, Rasiel couldn’t accept it that way.

Rasiel felt as if her heart, which had been beating rapidly, would stop.

“Why, why does Young Master have to leave because of me?”

Rasiel, who lifted her face from Jane’s embrace, looked completely bewildered.

“For your sake…… No, Young Master is almost of age, so it wouldn’t have been strange for him to go to the capital anytime.”

“But he rushed because of me. If it weren’t for me…… we wouldn’t have had such a hasty farewell.”

Despite Jane’s efforts, Rasiel couldn’t escape the thought that she had torn apart a perfectly fine family. She thought this must be what people meant when they said a rolling stone dislodges a fixed one.

‘They became the warm family I always dreamed of, but I shattered them.’

Rasiel felt like a villain who had broken the peace of a tranquil family that had lived without any problems.

She hated and despised herself for seemingly tearing apart the people who had showered her with unconditional affection and goodwill.

Amidst these devastating feelings, memories of time spent with Rapellian rushed in, making her heart ache.

“I couldn’t even thank him, couldn’t even say a proper goodbye…… Did he really leave?”

“Just a little while ago…… Miss!”

“H-he might still be here. I want to at least say goodbye.”

Rasiel crawled across the bed like someone possessed and got down to the floor.

But she couldn’t take more than a few steps before collapsing.

Having been lying down for days, her muscles couldn’t function properly.

“Move!”

Rasiel gritted her teeth and struck her thighs with her fists.

Jane embraced Rasiel with all her might as the punches made thumping sounds.

“He’s already gone. But it’s not a permanent farewell.”

“I’m the strange one. You should just cast me out. Rather……”

“Listen carefully, Miss. Yes. If you hadn’t had problems, it might have been a more leisurely farewell.”

Jane firmly held Rasiel’s shoulders and looked directly into her red eyes as she spoke resolutely.

She judged that telling the truth would help calm Rasiel’s mind more than offering kind lies.

“But what’s done is done. You were exposed to too strong a power without any preparation, and Young Master made the best choice to solve it.”

“If I hadn’t interfered, this wouldn’t have……”

“No one knew this would happen, so it’s not anyone’s fault. If you hadn’t been here, the youngest young master might have become disabled or even died!”

Jane deliberately applied strong pressure to her hands holding Rasiel.

It meant that Rasiel should straighten up her mind and stop thinking unnecessarily, even if it hurt a little.

“Jane……”

“Don’t be too discouraged because this can be resolved. It must be confusing because it’s so sudden, but let’s focus on regaining your health first. That’s the only thing you should do now. You need to get healthy quickly to meet Young Master again.”

Rasiel seemed to come to her senses under Jane’s powerful gaze.

She thought that if what had happened couldn’t be changed, it would be better to figure out how to move forward rather than dwelling on the past.

Rasiel couldn’t throw away her gloom, but she nodded obediently.

“……Yes.”

“Good. Let’s eat something first. Wait a moment.”

Jane picked up Rasiel like a child and laid her on the bed.

She tucked her in tightly and left the room with a very confident appearance.

Though she did briefly slump down in front of the door after closing it.

⁕⁕⁕

Rasiel felt incredibly empty and lonely from the farewell that came without any preparation.

However, despite the emptiness in her heart, Rasiel, who hadn’t grown either vertically or horizontally for months, grew 4cm taller and gained 5kg in the two weeks since Rapellian left.

“We’ll need to have new clothes made for you.”

Michaela engraved Rasiel’s height and name on the wall where her own name and those of Rapellian, Briel, and Riello were already inscribed, then lowered her gaze and spoke.

Until recently, the hem of Rasiel’s skirt that had fluttered below her ankle bone now hung above her ankle.

“My knees hurt.”

“Rasiel, mine hurt too when I was growing rapidly. Don’t worry.”

“Am I the only one who doesn’t hurt?”

Briel and Riello, who were clustered around Rasiel as her height was being measured, each added a comment.

“Will it hurt a lot?”

“Hmm…… a bit?”

Briel couldn’t bring himself to say no to Rasiel’s question and looked at Michaela.

“Growing pains…… Let’s take some medicine first. It would be good to take medicine and sleep. Your eyelids look heavy.”

“Strangely, I keep feeling sleepy.”

Michaela gently stroked the back of Rasiel’s head and lightly pushed her back.

Rasiel bowed deeply and left the room with Jane.

“Sister, Rasiel was standing blankly in front of brother’s room again.”

“She doesn’t read the books she used to love so much and just keeps sleeping. I’m worried.”

“It’s growing pains of a different kind.”

“What?”

“Take good care of her, you two.”

⁕⁕⁕

Rasiel went straight to her bedroom in the annex and climbed onto the bed.

No matter how hard she tried to act normal, she couldn’t stop her mood from sinking.

Reading, horseback riding—nothing was fun, and she kept falling asleep.

She would be fine for a moment when with Briel and Riello, but even that would quickly wither away.

“How much taller is our Miss trying to grow?”

“I’ll be as tall as the Duke.”

Jane, who understood Rasiel’s mood best, spoke playfully on purpose.

In response, Rasiel spoke quite boldly and pulled up the blanket.

“Of course. Sweet dreams.”

Rasiel soon fell into sleep as if she had taken a sleeping pill.

At this rate, it seemed she could sleep until tomorrow morning without waking up.

But unfortunately, around 11 PM, she woke up from the relentless growing pains.

Rasiel stretched out her hand to massage her legs when she raised her head at an ominous feeling. At the same time, a loud noise came as if it had been waiting.

Rumble rumble. Crash!

“Ugh.”

It seemed like a peaceful night’s sleep was out of the question today.

Rasiel pushed her head under the pillow and covered her ears.

Flash! Rumble boom!

And at that moment.

Ring ring ring.

In the brief moment when the sky fell silent, the telephone rang.

Rasiel pulled her head out from under the pillow and looked at the telephone with disheveled hair.

‘Who could it be at this hour? Did something happen at the main building?’

Rasiel picked up the receiver, unable to let go of her tension.

“Hello, hello?”

— ……

“Hello? Who is this?”

— Ah, Rasiel.

“Oh……”

— Hello, Rasiel.

The low but clear, beautiful voice flowing from the receiver tickled Rasiel’s ear.

It was Rapellian.

“Young Master.”

— I couldn’t sleep. Did I wake you?

Rapellian acted as if they were still living together, seeing each other’s faces every day, without mentioning the unexpected farewell or asking about Rasiel’s condition.

“No.”

— My call is too late, isn’t it? I’ve been a bit busy.

“Hearing your voice…… makes me happy. You know, Young Master. I’m sorry……”

— Rasiel. What story shall I tell you tonight?

Rapellian deliberately cut off Rasiel’s words.

He wanted Rasiel to feel no regret or guilt.

The reason Rapellian, who had been too busy settling into life in the capital to contact her until now, called at this hour had only one purpose. He had received a message from Jane that there was a thunderstorm with lightning.

— Ah, shall I continue the story from last time?

A voice tinged with laughter came through the receiver.

At that moment, Rasiel’s heart seemed to break down with a thud.

Tears welled up suddenly.

Her heart pounded because she knew too well why he had called her.

“…… Yes. But st-start from the beginning. Please start from the beginning.”

— Shall I do that then?

The gentle voice kept touching parts of her she hadn’t known existed.

Rasiel’s life had been harsh, devoid of warmth.

In that life, he had become a streak of warmth and a single flower.

That’s who Rapellian was to Rasiel.

He was like rain falling on parched land.

She desperately wanted to see him who had moistened her dryness.

And beyond longing, another feeling had taken root.

‘What should I do.’

Rasiel bit her lip firmly.

Her heart was beating so fast that she felt she might drop the receiver.

Her hand turned white from gripping it tightly to avoid dropping it.

‘What should I do.’

Tears finally fell from Rasiel’s eyes and flowed down her cheeks, which had started to gain some flesh.

She trembled at his kindness and fluttered at his gentleness.

His goodness caught her eye, and his kindness captured her heart.

She had thought all this was admiration.

But in truth, she had covered it up as admiration because she considered him an unreachable tree.

From the beginning, she thought such feelings shouldn’t exist, so she never even tried to look into her own heart.

But now that he was gone, she understood.

Now that she had received his call today, she understood.

Her desire to look good to him, to appear pretty to him, her wish to stand proudly by his side—these weren’t simple admiration.

In reality, her fear of never meeting him again was greater than her sadness about causing the Mosteros siblings to live apart.

She finally understood her restlessly floating emotions.

After parting with him, on a night when lightning struck and thunder roared.

On such a day, such a night, she finally realized.

It was her first love.

And the moment she realized it, she became afraid.

Because it was a feeling that could never be fulfilled in her lifetime, she didn’t know what to do.

She had caught her aimlessly drifting heart, but she could neither fully convey it nor completely possess it.

Love, her feelings, still seemed to float restlessly.

It was on such a night, a late rainy night.