Chapter 39. Hiding the Same Feelings

It was an imprint.

If Rasiel had been a beastman and they had imprinted together, one of her eyes would have been dyed the color of Rapellian’s eyes.

Rapellian calmed his facial muscles that trembled slightly with bewilderment and covered his eye that had turned red from pheromones.

His left eye glowed deeply ruby-colored before gradually fading.

After confirming his eye had returned to its original color, Rapellian hung his head and sighed.

‘Was it always this sudden?’

Was this what imprinting was originally like?

Was meeting one’s life partner always this dramatic?

‘No. Rather, it would be strange if I were normal……’

It might be sudden, but all things considered, it made sense.

It seemed his entire body was covered with Rasiel, and it would have been strange if imprinting hadn’t occurred.

A thought suddenly occurred to him.

‘The sensation I felt today was roughly similar to when I first met Rasiel.’

There had been clear signs at their first meeting.

From the beginning, he had been drawn in without keeping his wits about him, and as if meeting a savior, his breath had cleared, the world had brightened, and he had naturally begun to yearn.

‘If so…… Was it a signal that she was someone I shouldn’t miss in my life and should hold onto? Or was it a precursor symptom? Something like that. Not knowing this would happen, back then I covered it up with curiosity and interest.’

The emotion that had worn the mask of curiosity and interest back then now revealed its true form and overwhelmed him.

Thump-thump, just thinking about Rasiel made his heart race so much it was maddening. He felt his face heating up involuntarily.

“What to do……”

Rapellian, who had never imagined such a thing would happen to him, couldn’t figure out how to resolve this situation.

First, he wondered if this was acceptable, if this was right.

But looking back at his past actions, he now understood that he had instinctively done those things because this was meant to happen.

“By the way, what’s our age difference?”

Rapellian carelessly added words at the end of his sigh.

At his blurted self-talk, he felt as if he’d been hit on the back of his head.

His head throbbed as if he had spoken words that should never have been uttered.

“I’m not an animal…… well, half of me is, but still. The age difference between us……”

No matter how many fingers he folded, the age gap between them wouldn’t narrow.

Rapellian’s age converted to human years was about 23, and while Rasiel was no longer a child, the suddenness of the situation prevented his thoughts from functioning normally.

Right now, only the difference in the number of years they had lived stood out clearly.

His mind was in chaos after encountering something so unexpected, making it difficult to maintain reason. Rapellian, far from his usual composed self, fell into an abyss of confusion.

“A person should have a conscience. Who would see someone with a hundred-year age gap as a romantic interest? This is driving me crazy.”

Shouldn’t there be a reasonable age difference before one could even consider confessing?

Rapellian didn’t dare bring up his situation to Rasiel.

For beastmen, imprinting meant finding a lifelong partner.

For those who lived for many years, finding someone to share their heart with for a lifetime was an extremely important matter.

But since imprinting didn’t happen commonly to just anyone, people regarded it as a fated love and sometimes considered it romantic.

Because it was rare, when two people became bound by imprinting, it created a powerful connection between them that would never break until one died, sometimes even leading them to share death.

Rapellian found himself in a position where he had to hide such an important matter.

‘It’s an incomplete imprint, and Rasiel is human.’

He deeply sighed while pulling and loosening the cravat that was tightly constricting his neck.

The one fortunate thing in this situation was that while Rapellian had given his energy to Rasiel, he wouldn’t take it back now.

Though there were concerns about a one-sided imprint, it was a relief that Rasiel wouldn’t be endangered because of him.

“A one-sided imprint should disappear……”

The moment he had that thought, a hot pain flared up in his left eye socket again.

As if rebelling against his thoughts, his heart and eyes screamed at him to go see Rasiel quickly.

“Damn it!”

Rapellian burst out.

It seemed he needed to cool his heat with cold water.

He soon stood under chilling cold water.

As he faced the pouring water, he suppressed his rising emotions.

‘It can’t be.’

He accepted that it was inevitable since instinct was at work.

He understood his past actions, albeit belatedly. But just because he accepted and understood didn’t mean that what couldn’t be done could suddenly be done.

Even if the world would accept it, Rapellian’s conscience simply couldn’t accept his current state.

He also feared how much Rasiel would hate him if she found out about this.

He needed to sort out his feelings. He also needed to break the imprint.

He decided to return everything to the way it was, as if nothing had happened, while only he knew about it.

⁕⁕⁕

While Rapellian was exercising desperate self-control with a troubled mind, Rasiel was aimlessly wandering around her room.

She repeatedly paced back and forth in front of the bed, sometimes covering her face with her palms, sometimes clenching her hands tightly, and sometimes clutching her heart.

“All lies.”

Her white, even teeth bit her red lips.

The older female employees of the ducal residence had said so, and books had clearly stated it too.

That first love is a being full of fantasy, so when you meet them again after a long time, you’re bound to regret it.

“That’s not true.”

Unlike what people said and what books wrote about beautifying memories, Rapellian was more splendid, cooler, and more handsome than five years ago.

Rasiel thought she should tear up the books that had spoken such absurd things, since she couldn’t do anything about what the female employees had said, while trying to calm her heart that was still fluttering and pounding wildly.

‘What if he noticed? No. I was very natural. How much practice…… what’s the point? Photos and the real person are different? More, more than five years ago……’

He was lethal.

His warm gaze, gentle touch, handsome face, and tall, well-proportioned body all came to mind, disturbing her thoughts.

No matter how hard she tried to erase or forget, it simply wouldn’t happen.

Rasiel covered her face with her palms again and slumped down on the floor.

Just thinking about him made her legs weak.

In that sense, she had acted quite naturally at the train station.

In truth, when Rasiel first saw Rapellian on the train platform, she thought her heart would jump out of her mouth. Even now her heart seemed to be beating in her mouth, so how much worse must it have been then?

She had no idea how hard she had tried to face Rapellian calmly and nonchalantly. But when he grabbed her waist, as if shattering all her efforts, she almost screamed.

“It still feels hot.”

Every place where Rapellian’s touch had landed felt feverishly warm.

Not only was it hot, but it also felt ticklish and tingling.

Rasiel fiddled with her waist area and then lifted her hand to look at it.

It felt as if the warmth that had guided her still remained.

That unchanging body temperature was achingly missed and she longed to see it to the point of tears.

Sometimes she had felt resentful that he hadn’t visited even once in five years, but now that they had met, there wasn’t even a trace of that resentment.

Instead, her feelings, which she thought had somewhat settled, became chaotic as if it had all been a lie.

She thought she had become somewhat indifferent during the five years, but that wasn’t the case.

“Far from becoming indifferent, it’s gotten worse.”

Rasiel felt as if she had contracted a serious illness.

And it didn’t seem entirely her fault that this illness had worsened.

“How dare you become even more handsome? You’ve grown taller too. About 190cm? Your body seems to have improved too. And your voice…”

Rasiel’s face, muttering to herself, was on the verge of exploding.

Her cheeks and neck, flushed bright red, looked like well-ripened apples.

“How will I endure this from now on?”

Until yesterday, she had endured because they were apart, but now he was close by. She would be able to see him whenever she wanted.

She worried whether she could hide this bursting heart well every time she met Rapellian.

“And you’re still so kind and gentle.”

If Rapellian had changed, it might have been different, but he remained the same.

That sameness kept making her heart race.

Rasiel cupped her hot, flushed cheeks.

It didn’t help much in cooling the heat, but it did calm her mind a little.

“Given the situation……”

Given the situation, there was no other way.

She had to confess.

But not right now.

‘He rejects all marriage proposals even from prestigious families.’

Numerous marriage proposals came to Rapellian almost every day.

The young ladies from the families that sent marriage proposals were all perfect from birth.

But despite being from such prestigious families and being excellent young ladies, he was always quick to refuse whenever Michaela asked about his marriage intentions.

The more she observed this, the more Rasiel believed someone like her had no chance.

‘Especially with ears like these……’

Rasiel fiddled with her left ear.

The ear she had injured when she was young seemed to have fully recovered, but she still experienced tinnitus when very tired or under excessive stress, and sometimes couldn’t hear sounds at all.

So it was even more impossible for her to be with him.

Knowing this, she felt it would be too regretful not to even confess these feelings.

So Rasiel decided to enter the Central Academy to become a decent person, if not as good as the young ladies from great families.

She felt she would only have the right to confess to him, who was so perfect, if she at least had a diploma from the Empire’s top academy in her hands.

“I’ll confess refreshingly and then become independent gracefully.”

However, she didn’t even imagine receiving a positive answer to her confession.

Because that wouldn’t happen.

Rasiel had already assumed she would be rejected and made all her plans accordingly.

She had come this far, gritting her teeth, not only for the confession but also because she had thought about what would happen after the confession.

If she met the qualifications to confess to him, she would at least be able to make a living somewhere.

“Whew.”

Rasiel’s cheeks still had a pinkish glow, but just thinking about the moment she would confess to him made her snap back to her senses.

Her wildly racing heart seemed to calm down a bit.

‘It’s natural to be excited after meeting him after a long time. But I can’t be like this from now on. I need to keep my wits about me and stay calm. I must be composed.’

Living like today, she would surely make a mistake with Rapellian. She didn’t want to create something as miserable as being rejected before even confessing because he found out first.

Even if she were to be rejected, she wanted it to be when she could stand on her own, when she could face anyone without feeling intimidated, when she could be honest and dignified.

Only then could she leave the ducal residence independently, free from regrets or lingering attachments.

‘At least until I graduate from the academy, I must hide it well, very well.’

Rasiel took a deep breath and fanned herself to properly cool her flushed face.

However, the tall, handsome figure kept coming to mind, so it didn’t seem like her feelings would subside anytime soon.

Rasiel got up to get some cold water.

Instead of using the internal phone to familiarize herself with the structure of the ducal residence, she decided to go to the kitchen directly.